As they do for many, depressing thoughts like to flutter through my mind at night. Tonight’s features are selfish. They include:
Everyone I love the most is going to die someday. Those I cannot stand to lose, I will lose. I do not want them to die for a multitude of reasons.
I’m mortal. It’s scary. I have feelings about the fragility of life; can you tell?
The future is uncertain in no uncertain terms.
As someone with OCD who struggles with compulsive thoughts/fears, they aren’t easy to force from my mind. Compulsive thoughts are not as manageable as normal unpleasant thoughts or fears. Further, I habitually worry that I’m a terrible person and obsess over past mistakes.
I chose to give myself grace when I can. It works for some things. Most pre-adult things. Anyway.
My OCD has gotten worse because living in a pandemic is awful, but you already know that last part.
I attempt to give them to God, but everyone has struggles.
I feel much better now having written this out. It’s the equivalent of confession almost. I am validated.
Yes, I feel much better now.
I’m ready for sleep now. If I may make a request, if you pray, please pray for my family. Many of the members are facing difficulties right now, and they could use your prayers for health, healing, wisdom, and fortitude.
Thank you. ❤ You are loved, unique, and wonderfully made. Good night.