“Before I lead with the worst of me…” –CMV/AMV Saturday (07/07/18)

This video is going to break you; you’re welcome.

Do you know how many times I’ve listened to this song/watched this animation? No, of course not, because how could you? How could you know that at least a dozen of the video’s views came from me? The song’s lyrics and the emotion fits the **CANON** scenario amazingly well.  While there are some visual differences between the animatic and the anime, the event is the SAME, and the emotions are the SAME, and…. gah. Gosh.

On top of all that and atop the creator’s (Schornee’s) amazing talent, I had never heard the song Words Fail from Dear Evan Hansen, but it has proved heartbreakingly beautiful. It’s haunting lyrics are so relatable to so very many people and characters, but especially Yuuri, who really has “learned to slam on the breaks before [he] even turn[s] the key.” He doesn’t believe that what he has with Victor is worthy of the man’s career because he doesn’t understand how very much he means to the older man, and I just…

He thinks he’s being selfish, and he thinks he’s fooled himself into believing that he’s worthy of Victor. </3

Yuuri is not weak by ceefam.png
Image by ceefam

And how many of us don’t sometimes feel that, “No, I’d rather pretend I’m something better than these broken parts, pretend I’m something better than this mess that I am. Cause then I don’t have to look at it, and no one gets to look at it..?” I understand this all too well, and it makes me want to cry. Let no one say that Yuuri Katsuki isn’t one of the most relatable anime characters for people suffering from these same difficulties.

In any case, I’ve wanted to share this forever and hesitated because it isn’t an AMV. I decided that this is close enough. It needs to be shared.

I’ve learned to slam on the breaks

before I even turn the key,

before I make a mistake,

before I lead with worst of me;

I never let them see the worst of me!

Cause what if everyone saw?

What if everyone knew?

Would the like what they saw

or would they hate it, too?

-Words Fail, Dear Evan Hansen


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